Together Wendy we can live with the sadness

the-inferno-canto-5-1

[Image description: A picture from “Dante’s Inferno”. It is a black and white drawing of a nude woman with a wound between her breasts floating in the air, looking back at the male figure supporting her. The male figure is partially clothed in a draping cloth and his arms are extended, as if intending to cradle the woman in it. He is looking down at her but his expression cannot be seen. They float above a desolate landscape of mountains. In the background some dark figures can be seen with obscured details. Some float above the landscape, some with wings. On the ground Dante can be seen with his guide Virgil in dark robes.]

Recently I visited some of my mother’s family, they live out of state. She has a cousin who’s had hepatitis for years, and more recently became HIV+. She told me how she rarely gets to see people, and leave the house. She told me about how she loves to read. When she reads she gets to escape for a few hours. I can say I know how she feels.

I want to send her my completed novel. If it would make her happy for a few hours it would be worth it. It would all be worth it. I want to get it to her before it’s too late for both of us.

I can feel a pinching, grinding in my lower back. The area is tender to touch, and radiates pain outwards. I’m afraid the disc has totally decayed and I’m suffering from true stenosis. That the bare bones are now sitting on nerves. I wonder if I need the surgery they’re so reluctant to give. I see my spine doctor on Friday. Along with all my other on-going health problems.

I’m so tired.

I have a lessened workload this quarter as I have two online courses. I am going to y to finish posting “The Ring and the Bridle” in the next few months. I want it finished for whatever happens next.

I have my pay-out from my contribution to “Strange California”. With it I’d like to hire an editor, but I don’t even know where to start. The manuscript is about 125,000 words. I don’t want to low ball, but I do have a set limit of spending as my only income is my student stipend. I’m not asking for a MFA, but I would like to see a resume.

If you’re looking for work feel free to contact me at my email: dmgrnstrn@gmail.com and we can discuss pricing and a contract.

This Heavy Weight on my Heart.

So I’ve come to a crossroads. Basically I was going to hold off on making an announcement on this because I wanted a true answer but this is beginning to affect me so much that I have two choices; don’t engage on social media or admit it.

I chose the latter because, well, my health has stopped my ambitions before I won’t let it happen again.

Basically, it has become apparent to doctors I don’t have just degenerative disc disease. A recent MRI revealed my excruciating upper ¬†and mid back pain and the numbness along my right rib cage has nothing to do with a slipped disc.

They’re thinking MS, or something like it. A degenerative neurological condition as my condition is continuing to deteriorate.

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